The Ring Cometh

Half of April has already melted. I still haven't posted anything concrete about my summer vacay -- it's just one of two things -- inspiration didn't kick in yet or I'm just plain lazy. But now I suddenly found my writing muse. My princess ring -- which I thought I lost a few weeks ago when I went out with a friend -- found its way back to me. And guess what -- I found it on our househelp's finger. Yes, needless to say, somebody took what wasn't hers. Anyway, I won't delve into the details of how, when and where. What is important is that my ring found its rightful owner.

Okay, what is this ring anyway? And why am I writing about it? I call it my 'princess ring' or my 'soltera ring'. Yes. It's MY RING. Nobody gave it to me. I bought it myself.

You see, a few years ago, January of 2007 if I'm not mistaken, I was strolling by the jewellery shops in SM North EDSA when it caught my eye on the showroom display. For months I have been looking for a suitable ring to put on my left ring finger as the commitment ring from my relationship that just ended came off -- yes, I was looking for a ring to replace the void. I have given up hope in searching for a ring that suits me, until that day I saw it -- the ring that was made for my left finger.

It is made of white gold -- no not silver -- and shaped like a tiara. Which is why I call it my 'princess ring'. And I promised that I'll only take it off if I have finally decided to settle down, and another ring will take its place so I also call it my 'soltera ring'. I will only take it off on my despedida de soltera party.

So there, my ring is back on my finger, where it belongs until...

Summer Calling

I was sitting on the tiles of the Parish Courtyard with my Parish friends Zara and Babylyn late this afternoon when I noticed the icy air. Quite peculiar for summer, I said. But even though it felt more like Christmas, I can feel the anticipation of summer in my nerves. This is my last summer in Med School. I am going to make the most out of it.

Today marked my last day in SunSuites II. Well, not technically. Because I still have rights to the unit until April 30. But since I'm going home for the early part of the summer and will start moving back to Golden Crescent after Holy Week, today kinda is my last day. Earlier, I had my last final exam for the year -- Pediatrics. And when I returned home, I saw -- and realized -- the ruins that the final exams left.

I still have to pack my bags for part of my April at home -- that is, before I move to Katipunan. I am so looking forward to the next weeks as it'll be for the preparation of Holy Week, one of the highlights of the year -- for me.

So in less than an hour, that pigpen of a room was restored and my bags (and a couple of boxes) are getting pushed out of my room. Summer, here we go!

18, Ten Years Later

It was not as grand as I thought it would be. My eighteenth birthday, that is. It was simple. I cried during my speech. I danced with three guys at my opening dance, one of which is a doctor already, the other two are engineers. My college barkada and I stayed up all night at the hotel lobby after and ate hash browns at McDonalds in the morning.

Three heartbreaks, several harmless flirtations, a college degree, two research gigs and ten years later. Here we are, at the brink of the technological revolution, and now I can easily send you my thoughts without having to break open the locks of my secret diaries.

In the ten years after I made my bow in society, there were lots of lessons learned, whether it be in love, career, family or life in general. I found out that what was true at 18 does not hold at 28. And what may be true at 28, isn't even imaginable at 18.

At 18, good and bad are two very different things. At 28, the lines between good and bad becomes grey and blurred. And sometimes, it's hard to tell which side you are already on.

'Cause getting your dreams, it's strange, but it seems a little - well - complicated
There's a kind of a sort of : cost, there's a couple of things get: lost
There are bridges you cross, you didn't know you crossed until you've crossed
And if that joy, that thrill doesn't thrill you like you think it will...

Now, at 28, two years into medical school and still a long way ahead. There were dreams that I had to abandon to pursue this one. Dreams of performing, dreams of writing, dreams of having a family of my own -- all of which will have to wait until I see this dream through.

At 28, I met a variety of people. In college, at work, at church, in medical school. And in everyone that I met, whether they have moved on or still with me, and no matter how short or long our interaction has been, I learned life lessons that I hold on to everyday.

I learned that the biggest form of betrayal is cheating.

I learned that lying can get you out of tough situations for a short period of time but will eventually lead you back to even stickier situations.

I learned that falling in love is not limited to those who are allowed to fall in love.

I learned that even friends can break your heart.

I learned that walking in high heels can make you look smarter, if you know to.

I learned that living alone may be fun, but it can get pretty lonely too.

I learned that when all else fails, your family won't.

I learned that it's possible to move on, but forgetting is a completely different thing.

I learned that faith is different from religion.

I learned that love is built on trust.

I learned that crushes go as easily as they came.

I learned that first impressions do last.

I learned that wisdom comes with age.

I learned that lessons are better learned if experienced firsthand.

I learned that dating former college instructors isn't really a good idea.

I learned that dating ex boyfriends is worse.

I learned that no matter what you do, you ex's wife/girlfriend will hate you forever.

I learned that grade school seat mates make really good best friends.

I learned to say no.

I learned to accept whatever eccentricities other people throw my way.

I learned that I am incredibly uptight.

I learned to respect people for their opinions but still think mine's the best.

I learned the meaning of responsibility.

I learned to choose the perfect foundation for my pasty skin.

I learned to blog, facebook, and tweet.

I learned to adjust to other people's needs.

I learned to love unconditionally.

I learned to unlearn.

I still have two years to the big 30. I am hoping that before that comes, I will be able to settle into a relationship that would last long time, maybe forever. I am hoping that by then, I am a few steps away from the MD that I am working so hard for. But for now, I want to thank the people who remembered and greeted me a happy birthday.

To my parents who decided that having me is the best thing that happened to them -- although they won't really admit it right now.

To my boyfriend, who called at midnight to greet me. And who skipped classes to bring me a cake that he did not allow me to eat.

To Fr. JBoy, Fr. Anthony and Kuya M (Fr. Manuel) who remembered my birthday in their masses.

To those who filled my FB wall with greetings and well-wishes. Thank you, you made me feel so blessed.

To those who sent me text messages. I haven't replied yet. But thank you.

To those who greeted me personally, thank you.

I wanted to mention everyone, but that will make this incredibly long post longer, so I will just pick a few...

To my bestfriend Rochie, for always listening to my unending qualms about my impossibly complicated lovelife (you know what I mean ^^)

To Sr. Bren, who came two days before my birthday just to make sure to greet me before she heads off to vacation.

To my med school friends, madami kayo. Thank you for remembering. I will be missing some of you, you know who you are. But let's keep in touch, okay?

To my UP friends, we'll be seeing each other soon.

Now I know that age, really, is just a number. It may be significant, it may not be. But what is important is the number of friends, memories and lessons learned.

And now at 28, as in 18, I know that there will be more lessons, more memories and more friends. Next year, I am hoping to write a longer post, giving way to more experiences, more memories, more lessons and above all, more friends.

HAPPY 28th to me! And moving on to 29!

New Year's Resolutions

I know what you're thinking: What the effing crap is this? The heat is blistering and I'm talking about New Years' Resolutions.

For those who doesn't know me well enough to remember that I am turning a year older in two weeks, I always regard May as the year turner for me. Because this is the month when I get to celebrate another year of existence.

During the summer break (and hiatus from everything), I learned and unlearned many things. I met new people, I reconnected with old friends. I went back to my place of refuge. And there I stayed for some time. I had time to think and rethink about the things that I did and said (OR did not or did not say) in the past what -- two years.

I remembered how I was before and realized how different the past two years made me. Medical School does change a person. The more I think about it, the more I want to revert to the old self. In med school, I became too absorbed in what other people would think of me. I started living a shallow life of brand names and expensive food chains. I have forgotten the real reason that I am in med school.

I have forgotten how I promised to not ignore the Parish kids. I haven't been the 'ate' to them for a while already. I have become the tyrant who always barks down orders.

I complain so much of being tired when I could've used the time to do other stuff, rather than just complain.

When stress and pressure started piling in, instead of facing it with grace, I became grumpy and angry.

I let go of my body, gaining no less than 5 kg during Level II alone.

I zoomed in into what I wanted to be in the future that I have forgotten to live in the present. And so, my New Year's Resolutions would be about going back to who I was and loving every moment of it.

(1) Surround myself with smart people. That way, I could keep my own 'smartness' at check.

(2) Always keep in touch with friends especially those out of med school (or have already graduated).

(3) Get a new hobby. I need something fresh and exciting that has nothing to do with medical school.

(4) Don't be afraid to step out of the comfort zone. Since I moved to Manila, I kept myself inside the 20 km radius of the school.

(5) Be more supportive of my boyfriend's 'stuff'. Kahit na minsan, ayoko talaga.

(6) Lose the excess weight: go back to the gym, enroll in a dance class, eat healthy.

(7) Go easy on the coffee.

(8) Go brandless, stay anonymous.

That's the easier ones. The hard stuff, nakakatakot isulat. Kasi yun ang gustong gusto kong baguhin.

In two weeks, a birthday cake will be baked. And it will have my name on it. I may have a party or a simple dinner. A few beers after. I don't know if it will be a full-swing Summer Solstice or a simple sleepover. But I know who I want to spend it with. If you're tagged, you're probably one of them. :)

My Dirty Finger

My first taste of Philippine National Elections was during the summer of 1992. It was the month of the 10th birthday and my uncle, dad's eldest brother, was running for mayor in our hometown, Calumpit, Bulacan.

For me, an incoming fifth-grader at that time, it was all fun and games. Two weeks of vacation with cousins that I rarely see, smiling and waving at people that I barely knew, and being allowed to stay up late, helping with folding papers (if I remember correctly, they were sample ballots) and packing food for the people at the headquarters -- which was at my grandparents' garage, just below my father's room in our ancestral house.

For a child who was used to being alone, a very noisy house was an exciting change. At that young age, I was amazed at how politics -- or at least, the campaigning part -- is done at the local level. Politics has always been close to my heart since then.

One of the defining moments in my life happened the night after that election. There was no electricity -- as what always happens before. My Aunt, the wife of the candidate, was sitting on the dining table, by the candlelight and crying. One of our relatives or supporters -- I can't really remember -- was comforting her. All I can remember is that she was crying. And I heard that she said these words: "Wala namang problema kung natalo tayo, pero nanalo tayo. Dinaya tayo. Lantarang dinadaya tayo." From then on, cheating, even on the lowest level, is a capital sin for me.

The next day, I was awoken by my dad, telling me to dress up and we're going out. I did as I was told. When I went outside, I saw a fleet of cars and jeeps of supporters outside. "Akala ko natalo si Uncle?" was my question.

An adult answered, "Oo, pero magpapasalamat tayo."

It was hot, we weren't really in a very festive mood. But what really broke my little heart was seeing people on the streets crying as we passed. They did not expect that we'd lose.

That was how politics was introduced to me. Dirty. Immoral. Unpredictable. Since then I was excited to wait for my turn to vote. The recent elections was my fifth -- and second presidential -- elections. But now, I chose to be more proactive. Learning from lessons in the past, I know that my duty as a citizen does not end when the BEI puts indelible ink on my finger. In reality, my duty in guarding my vote has officially commenced.

I am not a voter in my family's domicile in Bulacan. I chose to be counted in the town where I grew up in, here in Laguna. And as my contribution to a true and peaceful election, even though my family supports a certain mayoralty candidate, I chose to be non-partisan. I decided to volunteer in the Church's citizen arm -- Parish Pastoral Council for Responsible Voting.

I was stationed at the Parish, coordinating with all pollwatchers and help desks. Making sure they were well-fed, well-hydrated and safe. There were a few glitches in our system since our planning and orientations only started at the start of May. I was tired. My body was working against me. But what I did was nothing compared to the pollwatchers stationed in the voting centers. The heat was utterly unbearable. And the delay because of the PCOS machines didn't help. But thankfully, by 10 am, all voting centers were up and about. By 5 pm, we were preparing the church courtyard for our Unofficial QuickCount. But 7 pm came and went, 8 pm passed by... but there were no results in yet. Apparently the giant garbage can (also known as PCOS Machine) had problems communicating with other garbage cans.

By midnight, I had to go home, mom was alone. I left the Quick Count to my cousin who was willing to wait for the whole night. But even as I was already preparing for bed, my phone was still busy. I still had to coordinate with pollwatchers still in the precincts, making sure that they had proper transportation. When I got up the next morning, I saw the list of winners posted on my door, my cousin just got in. Our 'QuickCount' lasted until 6 am.

I looked sadly at the list. My mayoralty bet did not win. But well, there is nothing I can do about that. Our work in PPCRV is done. It's time to move on.

As of this writing, the Congress has yet to proclaim the national results of the elections. But the local posts are slowly being filled up. What really surprises me is that people keep on chanting "pagbabago" but still elected the same old names and even gave power back to the people who drained the resources of this country. I will not be surprised if another martial law will be ordered in the next ten years or so.

I thought the Filipino people would easily learn from the mistakes in the past. Clearly, I was wrong. Sen. Aquino may be in a commanding lead but look at who is trailing behind. I was expecting a close battle between Aquino and Villar. I thought that the people have learned. I thought wrong.

And as for the Senate, most of the twelve slots are filled up with names that I did not think would even surface. Most of them are just in the 'Committee on Silence' in the Senate. Whatever happened to those screaming for change? Apparently, electing people to the senate still relies mainly on name-recall and not platforms or programs of action.

With my very high expectations of failure of elections, I was really pleased that the elections generally went well. Except for the part where people had to line up for hours under the blistering heat, the elections was okay. A little more tweaking hear and there and maybe next elections, things will be better.

And whoever said that the indelible ink is substandard? Yeah, tell that to my dirty finger.

The Stupidity of Eighteen

While washing off the goo on my face a few minutes ago, I remembered that my birthday is in two weeks and that it has been ten years since I made my bow in society. Which again, led me to remembering those stupid things I used to do before. Which I will try to list down and make fun of myself and the stupidity of being 18.

(1) I wore a burgundy dress to my party. One with those strappy, ribbonny almost-nothing-covering-my-back top.

(2) I used to wear bell bottoms to school. Hey! It was "in" at that time.

(3) My pager number was: 1288-55808

(4) My phone number was: 0917-936-7182. My unit was an Ericsson something something (hindi pa siya Sony Ericsson noon)

(5) Aside from the bell bottoms, I also wore those huge bandanas as blouse during summer. YES I DID.

(6) I broke up with my boyfriend because "I needed space." -- astronaut pala!

(7) I thought text messaging was the best invention of all time (I still do! But Twitter is gaining more "pogi points" lately)

(8) I tried my hand at art. I loved it. It didn't love me back. :(

(9) I dated a fratman.

(10) I used to wear platform rubber shoes. They were heavy. I didn't mind. It added three inches to my 5'7".

(11) I failed Math 17 for the 2nd time.

(12) My diet was mainly chips and softdrinks.

(13) I wore three-inch silver stilettos to my party. I feet were crying by the end of the evening.

(14) I always miss LCG (Lectors and Commentators Group) meetings at the Parish of the Holy Sacrifice which is why I was always on probation every other month.

(15) I attended my 7 am classes once a week. Nakakatamad eh.

(16) I sleep during Nat Sci classes.

(17) My then-future boyfriend (na ex ko na ngayon) taught me how to drive. I almost drove our car into a rice field.

(18) I was introduced into the wonderful world of eat-all-you-can and buffet restaurants. Look at where it got me ten years and the added ten inches into my waistline later...

On a more serious note, if I would go back in time and meet my 18-year-old self, I would probably kick her in the a$$. That girl who thought she already knows everything when in fact, she hasn't even began really living.

But if there was something I really treasure when I was eighteen was when I met the girls -- now women -- who I still consider my soul sisters until now. I don't have a digital image of us then... but if you have a FB account, you can easily find them there, listed as: Donna Fe Cruz and Marjorie Somejo. We are the original 'triumvirate'. The girls from Spinola who defied the nuns almost every night.

Now ten years later, here I am, reminiscing and laughing and well, sort-of teary eyed too. Remembering what I used to have but lost and the things that I had to give up so that I can hold on to more.

The Next Six Years: My Two Cents on the National Elections

If you count the years from the inauguration of the next president on June, 2010 until he steps down, that would be a full six years. By that time, I am supposed to be a doctor already. Maybe even starting my own little family. I am in my own little world. Or am I?

In less than a month, our nation would once again choose the person to lead us in the next six years. This is my second presidential election. The last time, I actually voted for the dwarf in the palace. This time, after much consideration, I have finally decided on who I am going to vote for.

Contrary to what other people may say, no, I don't really believe in surveys. I do believe, however, in the charisma of a person. And how that person is packaged. To quote from the Broadway musical, Wicked:

"Think of: celebrated heads of state or specially good communicators -- did they have brains or knowledge? Don't make me laugh! They were popular, please! It's all about popular! It's not about aptitude, it's the way you're viewed. So it's very shrewed to be very, very popular like -- me!"

I guess one of the reasons why somehow I understand the pulse of the people is because of our exposure to community organizing. I mean, how can one understand the common tao if one is not exposed to them, right? If one spends most of their time caged inside laboratories and classrooms, how will you understand how the masses -- which comprise a lot more than half of the population -- think? And in a country where the a single vote from the masses is equal to a single vote from the privileged or one who was able to obtain higher education, one couldn't ignore the fact that the vote of the masses can really make or break a candidate.

I know that many people from my caste are going to question my choice of presidential bet. But as I have stated before, I am not voting for my candidate to win, but rather, I am voting so that his strongest contender will lose.

In a country where it is possible to make a political party from dust, to thrust whatever programs they want to force into the already confusing system, one can not help but think -- if you are really for your country, why do you have to form your own party and not just unite with what was the legitimate parties before. Dito kasi sa atin, hindi tayo nagpapatalo. Kung hindi tayo magiging leader sa isang organisasyon, pipilitin nating gumawa ng isang organisasyon na pwede tayong maging leader. Ganyan ang political parties natin -- hindi tayo magkasya sa dalawa o tatlo lang. Hindi ba't ang ganyang pag-iisip -- ang pag-iisip na hindi ka makikiisa dahil lang hindi ka napiling leader ay isang pamantayan na kung gaano ka makasarili?

Regarding surveys, one must take into consideration that surveys are not just some random sampling of people walking down the street. There is a carefully thought-of, scientific process that is applied. Though surveys do have a certain margin of error, it also has some truth into it. But when you think of it, senatorial election survey results are to be read differently from that of presidential. We must take into consideration that senatoriables fight for 12 seats. Even if you end up on the 13th or 14th rank in the surveys, you can still be in good shape. For the presidency, however, where there can only be one, being in number 3 or lower is saying something -- especially if the range of percentages is significantly lower.

My second point is that my right to suffrage comes with responsibility. Sabi nila, kung hindi ka bumoto, wala kang karapatang magreklamo. That is the reason why even the lowest barangay elections, I make an effort to check if I am listed and registered so that come election day, my vote will be counted. No matter how minute it may seem. So in my opinion, no matter how much one rallies behind a candidate, if one's vote is not counted, it'll all be for nothing.

So yes, I am riding the bandwagon and voting for the son of democracy icons. For the following reasons:

1. I believe that if you are brought up by parents that laid their life for the freedom of the nation, you cannot take it away.

2. I don't think he is the lesser evil. I simply think that he is not.

3. The Luisita Massacre? One must take into consideration that he owns less than 2% of the said land.

4. There is a nice video (by Prof. Winnie Monsod) of the SCTEx and C5 extension project put side by side that I shared a few days ago, it's worth viewing.

5. He may not come from the masses but he knows what sacrifice means.

6. I believe that he can win over the Realtor.

7. He loves Glee, too. Hehehe.

8. I would love to have Kris Aquino as the acting First Lady until he marries his Valenzuela Councilor friend.

I am not asking you to vote for him if you do not believe in him. For all we know, I can be wrong. As I was when I voted for the dwarf. But this is my opinion. And I am entitled to one.